Just Frances

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All entries tagged with “confession”

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    A life I value - Feb 24th, 2013
    Yesterday’s post seems to have created some interesting—and unexpected—feedback, so I thought I’d take the time to talk about it some more. [more...]

    My social worth - Feb 23rd, 2013
    Since becoming a widow, I’ve given a lot of thought about the value of my life; the purpose and the meaning of it. I’ve wondered why I’m here in this world that seems so filled with pain. I’ve wondered if I want to continue living in this world into old age. [more...]

    Choosing my own adventure - Feb 18th, 2013
    I’m not a big believer in predetermined destinies. I don’t believe that God has my entire life mapped out and that every little obstacle is a direct result of His work. Certainly, I believe in God and His son—my Saviour—Jesus Christ. [more...]

    My PKD belly [?] - Feb 10th, 2013
    Today I want to talk about my belly; my slightly-larger-than-it-should-be belly. And, in a way, I want to talk about my crazy brain and its way of justifying things that may (or may not) be right or wrong. [more...]

    Crazy for Doritos - Jan 27th, 2013
    When I eat Doritos, I smile. And sometimes I even laugh a little bit. All because of my obsessive-compulsive way of eating them—and the memory of when the habit was pointed out to me. [more...]

    I fell - Jan 26th, 2013
    The truth is, I fell. I fell really, really hard and I spiralled a bit. OK, maybe I spiralled a lot. [more...]

    My Martini intervention - Jan 9th, 2013
    You may know by now that I'm a big fan of Martinis. It's not that I'm a big drinker; I just like my RyanCentric Martinis a bit. So much so that I've composed an ode in their honour. [more...]

    To date, or not to date? - Jan 3rd, 2013
    One week before Paul died, we had a conversation about our futures, should one of us die—a conversation sparked because it was the anniversary of my very dear friend’s death. And it seemed that Paul and I both agreed: We would want the surviving partner to carry on and live life; to be happy; to date or re-marry. Not the week after the funeral, obviously, but eventually. [more...]

    New year; new hopes - Jan 1st, 2013
    I like to start each year with a bright, fresh outlook; with a renewed hope for joy and happiness. But I must admit that I hadn’t planned to start 2013 that way. In fact, the post that I wrote over the past few days was one of despair. [more...]

    So long, 2012! - Dec 31st, 2012
    If I am honest, I would have to say that 2012 has been a pretty unhappy year. I think it’s been even worse because I had such high hopes for it; I suppose that hoping for happiness only served to set me up for greater disappointments. [more...]

    Only in my dreams - Dec 29th, 2012
    There is a man who appears in my dreams who isn’t Paul. In my dreams, we’re madly in love. And much like the widow dreams I still have, these dreams are different each time. Sometimes happy; sometimes sad. But always a dream; never a reality. [more...]

    A successful failure - Dec 27th, 2012
    I suppose it’s time I acknowledge that my 2012 Race a Month Challenge wasn’t as successful as I’d hoped. However, I am still calling it a success because I truly did have the best of intentions. [more...]

    Failure to launch - Dec 16th, 2012
    Way back in May, I had a failed attempt at re-entering the dating world—and that was after my ego had already been shattered! At the time, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to share the story here or not. But it seems to me that the story should be shared because I keep reflecting on it, so it’s obviously something that’s been bothering me. [more...]

    Digital Diaries - Sep 25th, 2012
    To celebrate Social Media Week, I have decided to share a paper I wrote a few months ago about digital diaries and online identities. It was a difficult paper to write because I needed to balance sharing my ‘personal’ life with the academic side of the equation, but it was a good exercise. [more...]

    Packing up - Sep 10th, 2012
    I alluded to a big step toward a happier future the other day, but also said I wouldn’t share the big(ish) news just yet. Only I’ve changed my mind because I realised that the little steps needed for the big step are a bit more stressful than I thought, and writing about my stresses often helps to ease my mind. [more...]

    The dating game - Aug 27th, 2012
    Sometimes I think about dating. Only it’s a confusing topic for me. Not the dating part; I know how to do that. It’s more the mental and emotional part that has me uncertain. And not uncertain in an ‘Am I ready?’ way; uncertain in an ‘I am a mad woman’ way. [more...]

    That dissertation? Done. - Aug 20th, 2012
    First, an apology for my absence the last week. I’ve had some Website glitches and had to enlist the help of some amazing friends who are fluent in Web Geek (I am merely conversational at best). Anyhow, the site is still under observation and I may be absent again—but I will tell you all about that later. [more...]

    Sing a song - Aug 3rd, 2012
    For as long as I can remember, I’ve loved to sing—or hum or whistle or la-de-da. Now, I’m not saying I’m any good at it, I’m just saying I love to do it. And, often, I find myself doing it without even thinking about it. Yes, I just break out into a tune. (In a very out-of-tune kind of way.) [more...]

    Gadget Girl - Jul 26th, 2012
    Yep, that’s me: Gadget Girl. OK, I admit that I’m not the most gadgety of all gadget girls, but I’m certainly the first place contender in my little bit of the world. And I would guess that if I had the income to support it, I would probably be a contender for the world as a whole. [more...]

    First flowers - Jul 21st, 2012
    Every once in a while, my mind wanders back to the first time a boy gave me flowers. Or, rather, the first time a boy tried to give me flowers. And each time I recall that moment in time, I feel bad and I wonder if the boy remembers it, too. [more...]

    The cruelty of random memories - Jul 14th, 2012
    There is something ever-so-cruel about random memories. OK, not always. In fact, most of the time random memories are happy moments. But sometimes, like today, they’re just reminders of a future that was stolen from me. [more...]

    Welcome to dissertation month! - Jul 1st, 2012
    OK folks, it’s time to get serious about this dissertation. Like really, really serious! (Actually, I should have been really, really serious about it for the past few months but, well…) So I am claiming July to be Dissertation Month. [more...]

    They’re braver - Jun 24th, 2012
    A friend of mine sent me a link to a fellow widow’s blog this weekend and I had a wee peek around to see what she had to say. It’s not the first ‘Widow Blog’ I’ve read, and it certainly won’t be the last, but it’s made me realise several things about how un-brave I am at times. [more...]

    Toenails - Jun 19th, 2012
    I went back-and-forth about what I should post today and for a brief moment, I even thought that I might not post at all. But then I remembered that I promised I’d post more—in part to prevent myself from withdrawing from society all together. [more...]

    I dreamt a dream - Jun 16th, 2012
    I wrote this poem a few weeks ago, when life was going great and my future was filled with hope: job prospects; PhD funding opportunities; and more! When I wrote it, I did so bracing myself for disappointment (hence the second part) but the hope kept coming and I actually began to think that maybe—just maybe—my dreams were starting to come true. [more...]

    Getting back into the [blogging] game - Jun 14th, 2012
    You may have noticed that I’ve been rather quiet these past few weeks. Maybe you’ve found that refreshing or maybe you’ve been wondering where I’ve been and if I’m still alive. So, I guess I should tell you! [more...]

    Expiry dates - Apr 24th, 2012
    I’m a little bit crazy most days. Always have been; always will be. But widowhood seems to have increased my insanity. In fact, it seems to have created new forms of crazy all together! [more...]

    Without regret - Apr 21st, 2012
    OK, I’m going to answer another question from when I asked what you wanted me to write about. The second question was if I believed in having regrets. So, here’s my take on the issue! [more...]

    A weighty issue - Apr 14th, 2012
    I’m fat. No, that’s not true. That’s so far from the truth that it’s laughable. Heck, I’m not even overweight. Still, I feel ‘fat’(ish). [more...]

    Break-less spring break - Apr 5th, 2012
    It’s been nearly a week since spring break started, but it’s been anything but a break! Still, this is what I signed up for so I’m not complaining. [more...]

    Out of place - Mar 31st, 2012
    As I walked into town this afternoon, I noticed a dandelion growing in a wall along the pavement. It was sticking out brightly against the grey stone as if to say ‘Hello! I’m here! I belong!’ even though it wasn’t really meant to be there; even though it risked someone removing it or spraying it with deadly chemicals. [more...]

    I’ll get by - Mar 24th, 2012
    It’s been a week since I last shared my mundane life with you here on Just Frances. And it’s been nearly that long since I [temporarily?] deactivated my Facebook account. [more...]

    My shattered ego - Mar 8th, 2012
    I’ve gone back and forth over if I would share a specific sliver of my life with you or not. And I almost chose not. But the issue came to light again over the past couple of days and I suppose I feel a bit compelled to share it now. (I don’t know why, because it’s rather humiliating.) [more...]

    Running on empty - Feb 18th, 2012
    Today was Race Two in my goal of running a race a month throughout 2012. (A joint goal with my partner-in-crime, Rebecca.) We couldn’t find a February race within a reasonable distance, so instead we participated in the Falkirk Park Run, a weekly timed event with 150+ runners or so. (And it was free!) [more...]

    The little red dress - Feb 4th, 2012
    Twelve years ago, I purchased a lovely silky red dress that I just loved. Form-fitting and sexy, I loved finding excuses to wear it. The only ‘flaw’ was that I needed to add a bit more help to the upper portion—more than I normally need to add. [more...]

    31 happy things - Jan 31st, 2012
    The last couple of months have been a real struggle for me emotionally. I don’t know why; I don’t know what triggered it. (Well, I think I know some of the why and what, but I’d rather not talk about it just yet.) But, the struggles have left me feeling bleak and weak and teetering on surrender. [more...]

    Birthday annoucement - Jan 24th, 2012
    This will be a short post (lucky you!) and serves two purposes: 1) To get me back in the habit of regular posts and 2) To announce that I think I’ve made plans for my birthday. [more...]

    A random letter - Jan 22nd, 2012
    Today, I decided to let the Internet decide what my post would be. So, I went to Creative Writing Prompts to pick a topic. But I wanted it to be a bit more random than that, so I visited Random.org to pick my topic number. And that number was 109. [more...]

    Catching up - Jan 10th, 2012
    I can’t believe that it’s been more than a week since I last blogged. I’m not exactly off to the best start this year, am I? So, this post will serve as a quick catch up for everyone—including me! [more...]

    A slow start - Jan 2nd, 2012
    It’s nearly midnight on January 2nd and I’m finally getting around to writing my first post of the year. I meant to write yesterday and I’ve been meaning to write today, but life got in the way. [more...]

    One down - Dec 15th, 2011
    Well, today marks the end of my first semester as a postgraduate student. It’s been a crazy and hectic journey to get to this point, but I got here and I’m alive to tell the story! [more...]

    Wants versus needs - Dec 10th, 2011
    Once again, I wanted to spend the day inside, hiding away from the world. I wanted to sit in and sulk and cry and feel sorry for myself. I don’t know why I feel this way, but I imagine that it has a lot to do with the sadness of facing another holiday season without Paul. [more...]

    Forced out - Dec 9th, 2011
    This morning I realised that I haven’t been outside since Monday. I spent Tuesday and Wednesday holed up inside working on my dissertation proposal—and only showered and changed out of my PJs on Wednesday because Rebecca was coming over for dinner. [more...]

    Scholarly doubts - Nov 29th, 2011
    Today has been quite a day; a day full of reminders that I meant to be a scholar. Meant to be a scholar. But I must admit I don’t feel very scholarly at the moment. [more...]

    Connect the dots - Nov 17th, 2011
    Confession: I have 292 Facebook friends. At least 46 of them are people I’ve never met. 25 or so are people I’ve only met once. 93 are former classmates. 64 are family of one description or another. And (not including family) I’ve only seen 18 of them in real life in the past 12 months. [more...]

    Secret smiles - Oct 26th, 2011
    There is something to be said about a smile. People who smile are more approachable. They seem friendlier. They seem carefree. They seem happier. [more...]

    Budgeting - Oct 15th, 2011
    Before I graduated from university money was tight. My adult life, until shortly before I got married, was spent not spending money. No, really. Money was so tight that a $5 banking error could have meant complete destruction. [more...]

    Solo - Oct 8th, 2011
    I arrived in Scotland nearly two months ago, and am now on my own for the first time. In fact, I am on my own for the first time since July when I left the home I shared with Paul to stay with my parents for a few weeks before my move. [more...]

    When sadness comes - Oct 6th, 2011
    Life is mostly good these days. It’s mostly happy and mostly bright and mostly cheerful. Mostly. Of course, the problem with mostly is that mostly isn’t always. [more...]

    Widow dreams - Jul 30th, 2011
    For more than two years now, my nights have been haunted with horrible dreams. I call them ‘widow dreams’ and I understand from other widow(er)s that they are very common. [more...]

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