Just Frances

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All entries tagged with “dreams”

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    Dream day - May 21st, 2016
    Eleven years ago, I entered a beautiful dream world: The dream of happily ever after with my amazing new husband. And whilst being a Mrs had never been a childhood dream, being Mrs Ryan was the answer to my dreams of being happy with my life’s course. And together, we build a wonderfully happy dream world. [more...]

    Another year closer - Nov 16th, 2015
    Yesterday marked two years since I began my PhD studies. And that means I am another year closer to being Doctor Ryan. It’s a title I’ve longed for since I first began my bachelor’s degree all those years ago, and being this close to actually having it is pretty exciting! [more...]

    Alarming nightmares - May 6th, 2015
    For the last six years, I have experienced a wide variety of what I call “widow dreams”. Some are more upsetting than others, but they are rarely (and in fact, almost never!) panicked nightmares. And, for the most part, the dreams don’t impact my overall sleep patterns. [more...]

    Between sleep and awake - Apr 25th, 2015
    I rolled over this morning in a sleepy haze to snuggle up to Paul, sure he would be there lying next to me. But he wasn’t there—I was merely fooled by that moment in between sleep and awake; that moment when your realities merge into a peaceful memory of what once was. [more...]

    The difference in grief - Apr 19th, 2015
    Eight years ago today, my dear friend Joe passed away. And next Sunday will mark the sixth anniversary of my beloved husband, Paul’s, death. And I am very aware of how different my emotions are for each death; for each set of memories. [more...]

    A year of PhD dreams - Nov 16th, 2014
    Yesterday marked one calendar year since I matriculated as a research student in the Institute for Informatics and Digital Innovation at Edinburgh Napier University. It’s hard to believe that more than 15 years after first thinking about a PhD, I’m finally making progress on one! [more...]

    Dreaming dilemma - Feb 24th, 2014
    The alarm clock is set for 7 o’clock, but something has woken me at 6—stirring me from a pleasant dream that I want to continue. And that’s where my dreaming dilemma begins. [more...]

    Just four years - Feb 15th, 2014
    Just Frances is four years old. Wow! Can you believe that I’ve been spewing this utter nonsense for that long? And if you thought I might be nearing the end of rubbish things to talk about, you’re wrong. (No apologies. If you don’t like it, you can just stop reading!) [more...]

    The “meet cute” - Feb 6th, 2014
    Way back on February 6, 2002, my friend bailed out on a day trip to St Andrews. With nothing better to do, I decided to walk up to Edinburgh’s Royal Mile instead to buy some souvenirs for my nieces and nephews back home in America. [more...]

    The meet cute - Feb 6th, 2014
    Way back on February 6, 2002, my friend bailed out on a day trip to St Andrews. With nothing better to do, I decided to walk up to Edinburgh’s Royal Mile instead to buy some souvenirs for my nieces and nephews back home in America. [more...]

    The daydream - Sep 1st, 2013
    I daydream. I always have and I always will. I suppose that it’s harmless, though it does sometimes mean that I pin a bit of hope on the happy endings I (almost) always allow myself in my fantasies. [more...]

    When I close my eyes - Aug 12th, 2013
    Sometimes I like to close my eyes and imagine the life I want. It’s by no means an extravagant life—it doesn’t even include winning the lottery—but it’s the life I dream of having. [more...]

    Sleep evades - Jul 22nd, 2013
    I’ve had a couple of sleepless weeks and it’s starting to show in my face. Despite the many happy things happening, there are many frustrating and stressful things that are interrupting my sleep. [more...]

    Echoes of memories - Jun 18th, 2013
    There is a sensation that passes through my heart and soul on occasion. A conscious realisation of a subconscious thought. Sometimes it’s caused by a smell or a taste; sometimes by the look of a stranger I pass on the street. [more...]

    Running nightmares - May 26th, 2013
    As most people do, I have bad dreams from time-to-time—the bothersome little dreams that haunt you all day long: Showing up to a test unprepared; arriving at a party without your shoes or shirt; running through the forest from some unknown monster. [more...]

    Sluggish in Stirling - Apr 3rd, 2013
    I used to be the most amazing sleeper. I went to bed around 10 o'clock and woke up refreshed and alert when my alarm went off—save for the occasional late nights or lazy mornings. But then Paul died and my sleeping patterns went haywire. [more...]

    A Wednesday ramble - Mar 27th, 2013
    I’m going to delve into a short(ish) stream of consciousness for a bit here, because there’s a lot on my mind that I’ve wanted to share, but I can’t really put it into a coherent form. At the same time, I have several people asking me how things are going with my visa and what my plans are for the summer. [more...]

    All about the money - Mar 6th, 2013
    Right now, my thoughts are all about money; lots and lots and lots of money. Not in a materialistic way, but in a practical way. I need to find £75,000 and I need to find it fast. Or, at the very least, I need to find £13,000 in the next few months. [more...]

    My fright in the night - Jan 24th, 2013
    I didn’t sleep well last night. I didn’t sleep well at all. And, to be honest, I’m ever-so-slightly afraid to be home alone because of it. [more...]

    New year; new hopes - Jan 1st, 2013
    I like to start each year with a bright, fresh outlook; with a renewed hope for joy and happiness. But I must admit that I hadn’t planned to start 2013 that way. In fact, the post that I wrote over the past few days was one of despair. [more...]

    Only in my dreams - Dec 29th, 2012
    There is a man who appears in my dreams who isn’t Paul. In my dreams, we’re madly in love. And much like the widow dreams I still have, these dreams are different each time. Sometimes happy; sometimes sad. But always a dream; never a reality. [more...]

    Forty-nine days - Sep 22nd, 2012
    My visa expires in 49 days. My employer is working on getting sponsorship approval for me so that I can apply for a new visa, but I don’t know if it will all happen before my current visa expires. I might be entitled to a two-month extension, giving me a bit of breathing room to apply for the work visa, but I’ve not heard back from the Home Office to confirm that. [more...]

    A year later - Aug 12th, 2012
    Today marks one year since I hit the reset button on my future. Yes, it’s been one year since I moved back to my beautiful, beloved Scotland. [more...]

    I dreamt a dream - Jun 16th, 2012
    I wrote this poem a few weeks ago, when life was going great and my future was filled with hope: job prospects; PhD funding opportunities; and more! When I wrote it, I did so bracing myself for disappointment (hence the second part) but the hope kept coming and I actually began to think that maybe—just maybe—my dreams were starting to come true. [more...]

    In flight - Aug 12th, 2011
    Ah, the modern world. Don’t you love how it’s filled with gadgets and gizmos aplenty and whozits and whatzits galore? After all, it means that I can bring you this blog update from an airplane some 10,000 feet above the ground! [more...]

    Widow dreams - Jul 30th, 2011
    For more than two years now, my nights have been haunted with horrible dreams. I call them ‘widow dreams’ and I understand from other widow(er)s that they are very common. [more...]

    The table - Jul 8th, 2011
    Three weeks before we moved into our house, I found an Art Deco table on CraigsList for $20. I emailed the link to Paul then excitedly picked up the phone to talk to him about it. Looking at the photos, we both agreed that it was battered—after all, all of the four chairs were in pieces and the finish on the rest of the table was horrible at best! [more...]

    The laughter woke me - Feb 19th, 2011
    I don’t think I’ve slept through the night since Paul died. I’ve become a very light sleeper and am woken easily by common household sounds or by a dream that just seems all too real. [more...]

    New year hopes - Jan 2nd, 2011
    Yay! It’s 2011! Part of me dreads entering yet another new year because it reminds me of where I thought my life would be by this point in time, but part of me is excited because I am certain that the new year will give me new hope for a brighter, happier future. [more...]

    When I was a kid I thought… - Sep 30th, 2010
    When I was a kid I thought that the horses just off the west interchange in Ellensburg were wild and I dreamt that I when I was a grown-up I would capture and tame them for my own farm. [more...]

    Art? - Sep 1st, 2010
    I wish I was an artist. You know—a really good one. I wish I could draw things with ease and make them look pretty. In my mind I can see myself standing there with a paint palette creating these amazingly-beautiful landscapes or amazingly-accurate portraits. [more...]

    Just a quick trip - Aug 27th, 2010
    So there I was in line at the British Airways counter at SeaTac. With me were three of my five sisters and their kids and a wanna-be sister (that’s you, J.D.) and her kids. (For those counting, that’s 13 people.) I was the only one of the group with experience traveling overseas, so I was the spokeswoman for us. [more...]