Just Frances

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All entries tagged with “ego”

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    Scottish half; take two - Sep 19th, 2015
    Today was my second time running the Scottish Half Marathon and my second half marathon of the month. Unfortunately, I was a bit slower than last year, but I did manage a better time than last weekend’s race. And with that, I only have one race to go for my September madness! [more...]

    Half BraemarAthon - Sep 13th, 2015
    My crazy month of races began today with the Braemar Half Marathon—after forgoing last weekend’s planned 10K in favour for a wee ride on the choo-choo train. I am a bit disappointed with my time, but as I went into the race with the plan to go slow and just finish, I’ll not complain too much. [more...]

    The king has left the building - Sep 1st, 2015
    Today should be my Uncle King’s 53rd birthday. Only he left this world for the glory of Heaven a few days ago. I knew it was coming, as did he. But that doesn’t make his exit any easier. And so here I am, wondering what to do with the birthday card I bought him; wondering what to do with all of these tears. [more...]

    Balancing lonely and love - Aug 15th, 2015
    Some days, I think about how lonely I am, and about how I want to find someone to share my life with. I think about how I want to find someone I can love, and who will love me back; about how I want to find someone who makes my heart sing with a joy so loud that it drowns out the loneliness. Only it’s not all that easy to find that person. If it were, I wouldn’t still be alone after more than six years of widowhood. [more...]

    Dress like today is important - Jul 14th, 2015
    Over the last several months, I got into the habit of wearing jeans most days. And that slowly led to jeans and a casual top. And that soon led to jeans, a casual top, and sneakers. Which soon led to hair-in-a-messy-bun. Which soon led to me feeling a bit old and frumpy when I left the house. [more...]

    Certifiably sane - Jul 3rd, 2015
    For nearly two years now, I’ve been experiencing an extreme amount of stress. Some days and weeks have been harder than others, but there hasn’t really been a period of un-stressed time. And a few months ago, the stress got so bad that I was struggling to function. [more...]

    Adventuresome - Jun 29th, 2015
    I want to have adventures. Ideally, I want to have some of those adventures with someone I love. Or at least I’d like to have some of those more of those adventures with friends. But since I’ve managed to be an absolute failure in finding new love, and the vast majority of my adventure-having friends are loved-up (or have children or are very busy or all of the above), I only have two choices: Skip the adventures or go on adventures alone. [more...]

    Edinburgh half: Take three - Jun 1st, 2015
    Yesterday was my third running of the Edinburgh Half Marathon. It wasn’t my best showing, but it wasn’t my worst. But I’m actually really pleased with my time and my overall performance. [more...]

    Alarming nightmares - May 6th, 2015
    For the last six years, I have experienced a wide variety of what I call “widow dreams”. Some are more upsetting than others, but they are rarely (and in fact, almost never!) panicked nightmares. And, for the most part, the dreams don’t impact my overall sleep patterns. [more...]

    Deletion therapy - May 3rd, 2015
    Clutter is everywhere. It’s in our closets. It’s in our kitchen cupboards. It’s in our bathroom cabinets. It’s in our desk drawers. It’s in our glove boxes, garden sheds, attics, and handbags. Clutter has taken over our physical space. And it has taken over our digital space, too. [more...]

    Resetting routines - Apr 13th, 2015
    I spoke the other day about the higher-than-normal levels of personal stress I’m experiencing, and that I feel I need a break from my current way of life to re-set my soul. Part of the problem is that I’ve been unable (unwilling? unmotivated?) to create a routine over the past 18 months. [more...]

    Breaking points - Apr 9th, 2015
    Life is hard these days and sometimes I wonder what my limits are. Sometimes I wonder how many more disappointments and frustrations I can manage before I reach my breaking point. And, to be completely honest, I’ve felt very close to finding out in recent weeks and months. [more...]

    A widow dating rant - Mar 28th, 2015
    I think one of the hardest things about dating as a widow(er) is the guilt that comes along with it. Worse is that some of the guilt comes from other people—and is sometimes laced with a bit of shame for good measure. And it means that the already emotionally charged act of dating is complicated by the confluence of so many negative and frightening emotions. [more...]

    Half a disappointment - Mar 9th, 2015
    Yesterday was my first race of the year, and was my slowest-ever half marathon. I am, to say the least, disappointed. Still, I finished the 31st annual Inverness Half Marathon and I feel good for having done so. [more...]

    Looking for love - Mar 4th, 2015
    Dating is hard. Dating in your late 30s and early 40s is hard. Dating as a widow is hard. And trying to do all three at once is a massive challenge! (I imagine that had I been blessed with children, dating would be nearly impossible!) [more...]

    Just a widow burden - Mar 1st, 2015
    From time-to-time, I get emails from people reading my blog. And today was one of those days. It seems that a relatively new widow, Lucy, found Just Frances last week and has spent several days scouring old posts about widowhood—as well as posts from my old widowhood blog. [more...]

    Always the sun - Feb 22nd, 2015
    The weather forecast today was for sleet and snow. But I was enticed out for a walk with a friend, so bundled up to face the elements. I admit that part of me hesitated to go because I was in a mildly sulky mood. But then I remembered that spending time with dear friends always warms my soul. So when my friend arrived to pick me up, I happily went out into the sleet. [more...]

    Spa 41 - Feb 21st, 2015
    Astute Just Frances readers may know that today is my 41st birthday. And curious readers may wonder how I celebrated the day. So, that’s what this post is all about! [more...]

    Deconstructing 40 - Feb 20th, 2015
    Today is my last day as a 40-year-old woman. It’s the last day of what I had hoped would be an empowering and fabulous year of my life. But really, it’s just the last day of another year of my life. Nothing life-changing; nothing that will carry me through to the next year. It was, just a year. [more...]

    Compliments and criticisms - Feb 3rd, 2015
    What do the words “you’re pretty” and “you’re wrong” have in common? I struggle to accept them! Compliments and criticisms are very similar to me in that way. Though I don’t suppose I’m alone. Especially among my fellow low-self-esteemers! [more...]

    Focused in February - Feb 1st, 2015
    I’ve decided to dedicate February to getting back into a good, healthy routine. The idea is this: If I can re-focus enough of my energies, I can spend more of my days feeling accomplished and less of them feeling scattered and lost. [more...]

    Life laughs - Jan 19th, 2015
    Sometimes I feel like the world is laughing at me; like life is laughing at me. Sometimes I feel like my entire life has been one failed attempt at happiness after another—though with short bursts of joy before tragedy strikes! [more...]

    20 and 15 in 2015 - Jan 1st, 2015
    In addition to my general New Year’s resolution to be more optimistic and hopeful, I have set myself a few goals to reach over the year. I’ll talk about some of them from time-to-time, some might never be talked about but will be written down, and some will remain within my own mind, known only to me. [more...]

    Reflections of 2014 - Dec 31st, 2014
    The end of a year can only mean one thing: An obligatory end-of-the-year reflections post! At the start of the year, I had grand visions of joy and laughter. Things were going rather well and I felt confident that it would be a year of mostly good and happy things. [more...]

    Hand-me-downs - Dec 13th, 2014
    Growing up in a large family, hand-me-down clothing was a regular part of life. It wasn’t necessarily something I hated (after all, I really wanted some of them!) but it certainly wasn’t something I was immensely excited about. I mean, everyone else got brand-new clothes all the time. Everyone. All the time. [more...]

    A year of PhD dreams - Nov 16th, 2014
    Yesterday marked one calendar year since I matriculated as a research student in the Institute for Informatics and Digital Innovation at Edinburgh Napier University. It’s hard to believe that more than 15 years after first thinking about a PhD, I’m finally making progress on one! [more...]

    The harm of not running - Nov 13th, 2014
    Today’s journaling prompt was to write down five things I do to harm myself, and to talk about what I can do to take better care of myself. It was, like many of these “self-reflection” prompts, a bit hard to look at myself critically. But I did, and what I realised is that one of those harmful things is most damaging of all—even though the harmful thing is based on non-activity. [more...]

    I am; I want - Oct 26th, 2014
    Yesterday’s writing prompt was to write “I am” ten times, then fill in the rest of the sentence. Today’s was to write “I want” ten times, then again returning to fill in the rest of the sentence. I decided to combine the two prompts into one post, as they are ever-so-slightly related. [more...]

    Beating Beethoven’s record - Oct 23rd, 2014
    I woke up at 6.30 on Sunday morning. The rain was dumping down like mad and I didn’t want to move. I didn’t want to start the day. I wanted to roll over and go back to sleep. I was, to say the least, feeling a bit underwhelmed. [more...]

    Ness, again - Sep 29th, 2014
    Yesterday was the 2014 Loch Ness Marathon, with 2,478 people crossing the finish line at the end of the gruelling 26.2-mile course. I was one of them, crossing under goal time by more than five minutes. (Yay, me!) [more...]

    Pride to the power of 10 - Sep 24th, 2014
    My friend, LA, introduced me to The Bliss Scandal so I decided I’d sign up and see what it was all about. To be completely honest, I wasn’t interested in taking most of the challenges. But that’s OK because I think that’s part of finding your bliss: Knowing when to say “no”! Anyhow, today’s challenge was one I was excited about because it was one I needed. And I needed it because it gave me an opportunity to think positively about myself. (Something I’m struggling with right now.) [more...]

    Bob and Dave’s 2014 review - Sep 18th, 2014
    Today was Bob and Dave’s annual check-up, to determine just how well they’re coping with life. Bob and Dave, if you don’t know, are my kidneys. They suffer from polycystic kidney disease (PKD) and have lived their entire lives working really hard to keep ahead of the disease. [more...]

    Inaugural success - Sep 6th, 2014
    Today was another race day. This time, it was the inaugural Scottish Half Marathon near Edinburgh. The course follows part of the Edinburgh Marathon course, so I had some familiar views along the way. And I’m pleased to say that I really enjoyed the entire experience. (Well, except for my slow time.) [more...]

    Random memories: Airless nights - Aug 7th, 2014
    I was in my mid-20s, and still rather unsure about how the dating world worked. I couldn’t always tell if a guy was flirting with me, mostly because I always just assumed he wasn’t. (Years of being told I was the “least attractive” Cook Girl had destroyed my self-confidence.) [more...]

    Poster parcel pizzazz - Jul 19th, 2014
    I’m heading to the iFutures: Research into Practice Conference in Sheffield early next week to present a poster. It’s the same poster I presented at the SICSA Conference in St Andrews in June, but I’m pretty excited about the opportunity to share my research plans once again. [more...]

    Dating downtime - Jul 12th, 2014
    No one said that dating was going to be easy, but I didn’t expect it to be as difficult as it’s been. Part of that, I suppose, is because I had this naïve notion that I’d just meet someone, sparks would fly, and the rest would be a lovely little fairy-tale. After all, that’s how it happened last time. [more...]

    A change of course: Loch Ness, again - Jul 1st, 2014
    After two failed attempts to run a full marathon in 2013, I decided that I would run only half marathons in 2014 to work on my time for “shorter races”. Yes, I was adamant that 2014 would be a year of halfs and that I wouldn’t run another full until 2015. [more...]

    Quietness - Jun 29th, 2014
    I’ve been quiet lately and I’ve found it hard to get back into the swing of things because I don’t know how to move past the silence. It’s like when you don’t call someone for a few days then feel guilty for ignoring them so you continue the silence rather than face the embarrassment of apologising for not being in touch. (Certainly I’m not the only one that happens to?) [more...]

    Another half done - May 26th, 2014
    Well, that’s another half marathon done and dusted. Sadly it wasn’t my best showing, but I showed up—and I finished!—so it counts! [more...]

    Running excuses - May 23rd, 2014
    It’s time once again for the Edinburgh Marathon Festival, which means it’s time once again for me to make some lousy excuse for why I will have a horrible time. (Running time, not emotional time.) [more...]

    My anxiety story - May 13th, 2014
    It’s Mental Health Awareness Week, with a focus on anxiety, so I thought I’d share my personal story on the topic. Please know this is a hard thing for me to write because I’m opening up and sharing something that is upsetting and embarrassing to admit. But if sharing my pain can help someone else who isn’t able to share their own story, it’s worth it. [more...]

    Escaping the comfort zone - Apr 23rd, 2014
    Life begins where your comfort zone ends. The magic happens outside of your comfort zone. Success, happiness, excitement, love … it’s all found outside of our comfort zone. [more...]

    Dating data - Apr 14th, 2014
    As part of my decision to be a bit more proactive about my return to the dating world, I’ve enlisted the help of a couple of friends who’ve assisted with (gulp!) online dating profiles as well as a few “old fashioned” introductions. [more...]

    Your challenge: Build up, don’t knock down! - Mar 27th, 2014
    I woke up this morning and checked my Facebook feed whilst waiting for my snooze-cycle to end. Only what I read angered me so much that I couldn’t stay still for the full 10-minute “bonus rest” and I found myself getting up and pounding out a quick-and-angry reply to the poster. But the anger and rage remained as I went to the kitchen to make my coffee. So today, you get to read a rant. (Yay!!) [more...]

    First kiss fears - Mar 18th, 2014
    It’s been nearly five years since I last kissed my husband goodnight. It’s been that long since I’ve fallen asleep in his arms; since I’ve felt completely safe and completely loved. And I miss those things so very much. [more...]

    Wet toes - Mar 11th, 2014
    I’ve never been a swimmer, but I’ve always loved the water. I tend to dip my toes in slowly to check the temperature then inch-by-inch I will wade further into the lake. I don’t jump in; I never dive in. No, that’s just not my style. (Partly because I don’t know how to swim; mostly because I am afraid.) [more...]

    A new PB! - Mar 9th, 2014
    Wow, oh wow! I just don’t know what to say other than that. Just ... Wow!! (Don’t worry; I’ll manage to find more words, too.) [more...]

    I’m ready, but I don’t know how - Feb 27th, 2014
    I decided quite some time ago that I was ready to date again, though I admit to not actually doing anything about it. It’s not because I secretly don’t really want to date though. It’s because I don’t know how to date. [more...]

    Just four years - Feb 15th, 2014
    Just Frances is four years old. Wow! Can you believe that I’ve been spewing this utter nonsense for that long? And if you thought I might be nearing the end of rubbish things to talk about, you’re wrong. (No apologies. If you don’t like it, you can just stop reading!) [more...]

    De-can’t-ing - Feb 5th, 2014
    I can’t. You can’t. We can’t. But why can’t I, you, we? Maybe it’s not because of the impossible, but rather because there’s so much power in the word “can’t”. And that’s why I’m working to de-can’t my life. [more...]

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