Just Frances

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All entries tagged with “widowhood”

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    With this ring - Feb 23rd, 2011
    The last thing I expected from Paul when we took a mini-break to Venice back in spring 2004 was an engagement ring. I mean, I thought we were heading that way, but I didn’t expect the question right then. (But I said yes without skipping a beat!) [more...]

    Passing the baton - Feb 20th, 2011
    I think that one of the saddest things about not having children is the knowledge that there’s no one to pass on your traditions to. Paul and I were so excited about adopting and that was one of the exciting things for us: Passing on our knowledge, love, and traditions to future generations. [more...]

    Sorting swords - Feb 20th, 2011
    I finally got around to sorting through some of Paul’s stuff. In this case, it was a pile of stock leftover from his eBay business. In total, there are about 50 swords in the pile—and I have no idea what to do with them! [more...]

    The laughter woke me - Feb 19th, 2011
    I don’t think I’ve slept through the night since Paul died. I’ve become a very light sleeper and am woken easily by common household sounds or by a dream that just seems all too real. [more...]

    The making of a bad day - Feb 19th, 2011
    It’s Friday night and the start of my three-day birthday weekend. But I’m anything but happy about it. I have to admit that it’s been a bit of a crummy day. [more...]

    100 random things - Feb 17th, 2011
    My friend posted a list of 100 random things her daughter wrote about herself out of boredom and I thought I’d give it a shot and create my own list. So, if you’re not already bored, this should help… [more...]

    A year of Just Frances - Feb 15th, 2011
    It’s been a year since I started Just Frances. Whilst it’s certainly not my first blog, it is unique in that I’ve actually put my name and face to it! [more...]

    A valentine-less Valentine’s Day - Feb 14th, 2011
    I’ve always been a bit put off with Valentine’s Day. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I was never the girl who got the boy in school. I was the weird one, a Tom boy, and a loner and frankly got a bit disgusted with the whole process as a child. [more...]

    Nine years ago - Feb 6th, 2011
    Nine years ago today, my intended life plans changed. Only I didn’t know it at the time. [more...]

    Two-poem Thursday - Jan 28th, 2011
    When I’m feeling stressed I turn to my writing prompts. Today, that meant working on a new form poem, which led me to writing a prompt-less poem as well. [more...]

    Just two minutes - Jan 27th, 2011
    I used to be able to sit in complete silence and just be at peace with myself. I used to be able to curl up with a book and focus on only the story I was reading. I used to be able to listen to music and not think of anything other than the sounds coming from the speakers. [more...]

    Food woes - Jan 26th, 2011
    I’ve been noticing in recent weeks that I’m not eating enough and I need to work on that. Before Paul died my diet and exercise routine was fantastic. [more...]

    New year hopes - Jan 2nd, 2011
    Yay! It’s 2011! Part of me dreads entering yet another new year because it reminds me of where I thought my life would be by this point in time, but part of me is excited because I am certain that the new year will give me new hope for a brighter, happier future. [more...]

    Reflections of 2010 - Dec 31st, 2010
    As 2010 draws to a close, I find myself reflecting on the past year. And if I’m honest, I have to admit that it was a very difficult year and one that I am very glad to put behind me. [more...]

    Everybody hurts, sometimes - Dec 22nd, 2010
    I’ve really been struggling through this holiday season—much more than last year when I was still in a bit of shock and disbelief over the fact that I no longer had Paul to share Christmas mornings with. The loneliness and sadness just seems so much worse this year. Much, much worse. [more...]

    Water, water, everywhere - Dec 14th, 2010
    I had a long, partly mostly tear-filled conversation with a friend today where I went on and on about many of the fears and uncertainties that I’m facing as I start looking toward my future. And he commented about how I need to stop looking at the glass as half empty and start looking at it as half full. [more...]

    I’m goin’ for it! - Nov 30th, 2010
    I’m a runner. I have been since school when I ran on the cross country team. I enjoy running. Really, I do. But I never wanted to run a marathon. I thought maybe I’d do a half-marathon at some point, but 26.2 miles? I don’t think so. [more...]

    A birthday remembered - Nov 27th, 2010
    Today isn’t what it’s meant to be. Instead of me baking a cake for Paul’s 49th birthday, I’m stuck remembering that he only made it as far as 47. Instead of him opening cards and presents with the excitement of a small child, I’m left wondering what I would have gotten for him if he was here. [more...]

    Fire and wine - Nov 24th, 2010
    It’s been a very long week. A very, very long week. But whilst last Tuesday ended with my going to bed sobbing and crying, this Tuesday is ending with me feeling happy and having a smile on my face. [more...]

    Kid questions - Nov 18th, 2010
    Kids are great. I love the way they don’t mince words. I called a friend on Tuesday to ask for help after claiming it “Ask for Help Tuesday”. Tuesday was a bad day for me [more...]

    The hard days - Nov 8th, 2010
    The thing about grief is that sometimes it just hits you out of nowhere. Yesterday was such a great day. I really enjoyed spending time in my sister’s kitchen making blagenda. It was a happy day full of laughter. I thought about Paul throughout the day, but I always do. [more...]

    Sicky - Nov 2nd, 2010
    The day started out OK. I was a bit tired and run-down feeling, but it’s Monday and it was a pretty busy weekend so it wasn’t too surprising to be a bit blah feeling. What was surprising is that a few minutes into an 11 o’clock meeting I started to feel lightheaded and dizzy. [more...]

    Boo! - Nov 1st, 2010
    A few weeks ago I wrote of my apprehension about Halloween’s approach and wondered how I would manage to get through what was once a favoured holiday. And then it dawned on me that I would manage by inviting the kid’s mom to come and participate in the day with us. [more...]

    A-Z poetry (Hey! That rhymes!) - Oct 23rd, 2010
    Today’s writing lesson was an A-Z poem where the first letter of each line forms the alphabet in alphabetical order. It was a bit challenging because I often use these writing assignments to reflect on my emotions rather than just silliness, but I do love a good challenge! So, without further ado… [more...]

    Learning to cope [?] - Oct 21st, 2010
    It’s been nearly a month since I posted about being stressed and unhappy and I hate to admit that not much has changed. I’ve had happy moments in between now and then and I’ve laughed and enjoyed life, but it’s all been marred by the sadness I’m feeling—and much of that joy was being faked if I’m completely honest. [more...]

    Scarily unexcited - Oct 5th, 2010
    Halloween is less than four weeks away and I am anything but excited about it. In fact, there is this niggling feeling of apprehension about what once was a favorite holiday. If I had my way, the day wouldn’t happen; the kid wouldn’t trick-or-treat and I would turn off the house lights so that no one came to the house for treats, either. [more...]

    Unhappily stressed - Sep 25th, 2010
    I’m really struggling this week. Actually, I’ve been struggling for a couple of weeks now. I’m sad and I feel quite helpless about it. I’m trying to cheer myself up but I can’t seem to manage it. I am pretty certain it’s just stress and worry; not depression. [more...]

    Sometimes I want to… - Sep 21st, 2010
    Sometimes I want to scream at the top of my lungs. I want to yell. I want to shout. I want to wail about how unfair everything seems at times. [more...]

    Fancy hotels - Sep 17th, 2010
    Faithful readers of other rubbish I’ve written since Paul died will remember the struggle I had the first time I found myself having to travel to Seattle for work on my own. There was something very wrong about staying in a 5-Star hotel without Paul. [more...]

    That’s me home [?] - Sep 15th, 2010
    Well, that’s me home again to the great US of A. But you know what? I don’t feel that I’ve come home. I feel like I’ve come back to where I live; to where I’m from. [more...]

    Falling into autumn - Sep 1st, 2010
    I used to enjoy the confluence of seasons; the awkward meeting between weather patterns—one anxious to begin its reign whilst the other tries in vain to retain its glory. Summer will soon lose the battle and fade to the changing colors of the trees and the crisp morning air that belong so adamantly to autumn. [more...]

    The cost of vanity - Aug 31st, 2010
    For more than a year I’ve been telling myself to get some really nice, quality face moisturizer because grief can really take a toll on your skin. Between the constant crying, the lack of sleep, and the absolutely rubbish diet, my once-smooth skin began to age in triple-time shortly after Paul died. [more...]

    Bug removal - Aug 24th, 2010
    I removed a large grasshopper from the house today using Paul’s special bug-removal jar. The old peanut butter jar took on the duty of bug receptacle the summer we got married. It moved with us from Seattle to our apartment on the Palouse, then later it moved with us into our new house. [more...]

    Hot, young, fit coeds - Aug 19th, 2010
    I had to smile today when I left the office and noticed several dozen extremely fit, extremely beautiful, young (legally so), skimpily-clad coeds milling around the campus mall. I noticed that they were all young women—not a boy in sight—which struck me as odd until I realized that they were there for an orientation of the WSU Greek System. [more...]

    Plus one - Aug 16th, 2010
    I’ve been Just Frances + One for a couple of days. It’s scary. It’s weird. It’s scary. It’s fun. And did I mention it’s scary? [more...]

    To market, to market - Aug 7th, 2010
    I was looking forward to the Moscow Farmers’ Market opening last year but Paul died before we ever made it there and I couldn’t bring myself to go alone until today. I suppose that it was easy to go today because I’ve gotten back into cooking and I was in need of beets and cabbage so that I could make borscht. [more...]

    A nice cuppa tea and a sit down - Aug 4th, 2010
    When I got home from work today, I realized that I’ve not enjoyed a nice cuppa tea and a sit down after work since my last work day before Paul died. And I realized that I sort of missed that little bit of down time between arriving home from the office and making dinner. [more...]

    Set in stone - Jul 30th, 2010
    I struggled with how to start this post, or if I would even write it at all because it’s hard to know what how to ‘announce’ that your husband’s headstone has finally arrived to mark his grave. It’s hard to know if it’s something that should be shared with the world, or kept as a silent occasion. [more...]

    Reflections of joy - Jul 1st, 2010
    My 2010 New Year’s Resolution was to find a little bit of joy each day. I started a gallery so that I could post a picture of each day’s joyful finding because I knew it would force me to continue on with my resolution. [more...]

    When you live alone; Part 1 - Jun 30th, 2010
    When you live alone, especially after sharing your life with someone for so long, things change. Little things. Shoe storage locations are one of those things. [more...]

    Shaken, not stirred - Jun 23rd, 2010
    My love for Martinis developed sometime in the summer of 2008. It was a drink that Paul and I spoke about trying for a long time, but we needed Martini glasses and it took us quite a long time to find ones that we liked. (We ended up with very simple Ikea glasses.) [more...]

    Re-learning obsessive-compulsive behaviors - Jun 5th, 2010
    Anyone who has known me long knows that I am one of those geeky, overly-organized, slightly obsessive-compulsive, and highly meticulous people. Oh, and I have a great memory and am extremely detail-oriented. Well, I used to be. [more...]

    Distractions - May 21st, 2010
    I don’t know if it’s better to face things head-on or to find distractions, but personally I prefer the latter in many cases; today being one of those cases. So, instead of spending the day thinking about what I didn’t want to think about—the fact that my husband died before we made it to our 4th wedding anniversary, meaning that he wasn’t here to celebrate our 5th anniversary with me today—I’m distracting myself from my reality. [more...]

    Mrs Ryan - May 21st, 2010
    Five years ago today, I became Mrs. Ryan. It was truly the happiest day of my life. This is my second wedding anniversary without Mr. Ryan; the first came less than a month after he died. If he was here with me, we’d be celebrating by having a nice meal and reminiscing about how we met and all of the wonderful things that brought us to this day. [more...]

    Miss you much - Apr 27th, 2010
    It’s been a year since Paul died; a year since I became Just Frances again. I made the drive to his grave in Cle Elum today to bring him some tulips from our yard. He would have loved to see how bright they are in the flower beds and I wish that he was here to admire them on our mantle. [more...]

    Lenten obligations - Feb 17th, 2010
    Lent is a funny little ‘season’ in modern society. Each year people around the globe begin to talk about what they’ll give up for those 40-some days between Ash Wednesday and Easter Sunday. [more...]

    Just Frances - Feb 15th, 2010
    I was born in a hospital (not in a barn, as sometimes questioned by my mom, who should really know!) on February 21, 1974. The third of six daughters, I am “lucky number three” because we all know that the third time’s a charm. [more...]

    Solo UK Holiday - Dec 10th, 2009
    I’ve taken my first solo holiday spending nearly two weeks in England and Scotland visiting family and friends. [more...]

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