Just Frances

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I’m just not that into you

This entry was posted on Tuesday, December 3rd, 2013 by Frances Ryan.
Tags: widowhood, stubborn, stalking, rant, ego, dating, crazy, confession

There’s something ever-so frustrating about the way life and love mix. We want so desperately to be part of a couple, but when someone reaches out for just that we turn them away—all the while wishing a completely different person would reach out instead.

For those who’ve followed Just Frances, you’ll know that I have been a little uncertain about my place in the world of dating. For those who know me personally, you’ll know that—whilst I’d like to meet someone—I am extremely picky and won’t settle for “just anybody”.

And, of course, for those who’ve lived in the real world at all, you’ll know just how frustrating Sod’s Law can be when you’re trying to find someone. But let’s get to the point, OK?

So, do you remember when I told you about my first post-widowhood date?

And how the guy (after just one lunch date!) insisted that I chose between him and my amazingly supportive and loving in-laws?

And later I casually mentioned to you that—a full-year later!—he got in touch to see if I was still “single”. He’d not found anyone in that time and remembered that he really did like me. So he thought that, if I was up for it, we could try again because he decided he could probably get used to me seeing my “ex-in-laws” a couple of times a year.

And I told him to bugger off. (In not so polite terms.)

Anyhow, you’ll never guess who called today! Or maybe you will, based on the lead-up to this part.

Yes—him! Turns out that he saw me in town the other day and wondered how I was doing. He thinks of me often and would really love to give it another chance.

Um, no thank you. Really, please just bugger off and leave me alone.

I calmly explained that I wasn’t interested in dating anyone who would dare to tell me to cut ties with my family, and that whilst I wished him all the luck in finding someone, I couldn’t be that person. (I didn’t mention that maybe the reason he’s not found anyone was that he’s still a bit bitter about his divorce, which is quite the turn off! Maybe I could have offered him that advice? Too late now though…)

Now, I know it probably took this man a heck of a lot of courage to call again, and I appreciate that and am a bit flattered, but it’s much too late. I’m no longer interested—and was only mildly interested in the first instance anyway.

It’s funny because I have deleted his number from my phone, along with the number of a [former] friend that I told to leave me alone over the summer. And when an un-programmed number came up on my phone today, I found myself wishing it was the friend; wishing it was him calling to ask for forgiveness or another chance or something. (Knowing that he never will, and too frightened to be the one who calls him.) It was quite the let-down to learn it was just Bitter Divorced Guy.

So here I am, wishing I had someone to share my life with. Wishing one guy who won’t call would call and telling another guy who won’t stop calling to stop calling.

And on top of that, Stalker Sam has been in touch again. Seriously, it’s been more than 12 years—you’d think he’d move on to a new obsession by now!

Yeah, that’s Sod’s Law.

(Have no fear! I’m not disheartened or frustrated with the dating game. I mean, I’ve not really been playing it so the fact that I’m not winning it is down to me and my own desire to put my personal and academic desires first. But then, maybe that’s just a deflection out of fear or uncertainty about re-entering the dating world. Who knows? And today, I don’t really care. So …)

[Image is one of my swirl drawings titled Suzie Hearts”. I will be re-opening my swirl shop soon for those whove asked about cards. Sadly, probably not in time for Christmas unless you want to contact me directly about a speical order.]

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