Compliments and criticisms

What do the words “you’re pretty” and “you’re wrong” have in common? I struggle to accept them! Compliments and criticisms are very similar to me in that way. Although I don’t suppose I’m alone. Especially among my fellow low-self-esteemers!

Go on. Tell me I’m smart or beautiful or that I have nice hair. Tell me I’m good at something or that I have a fabulous smile. Tell me how kind or generous or fun I am.

I might blush and say thank you. I might beam and agree wholeheartedly. I might reply with a bit of self-deprecating humour.

But inside, I’m telling myself you’re wrong. I’m telling myself that you’re just being nice; you’re just being polite.

Compliment me all you want, but I won’t trust that your words are pure and sincere.

(It’s not you, it’s me.)

And criticisms? Well, that’s even worse, stemmed in part from a lifetime of being told how stupid I am.

Oh, sure, you might not mean to be cruel. In fact, you might simply be pointing out a spelling error to save me from the embarrassment of someone else finding it. Or maybe you’re trying to help by telling me where I can make something better, even though it’s already good.

It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter how generous and kind you’re being when you point out my errors. It doesn’t even matter if you’ve just pointed out 100 things I’ve done right. All I will hear is how horrible I am.

I suppose the (sad) truth is that I am not the only person who feels this way. And I suppose the (tragic) truth is that I am not the only person who will hate myself for such weaknesses.

But as part of my ongoing attempts at creating a happier, more positive me, I have to acknowledge these weaknesses (and others) – along with my strengths.

I don’t know how, exactly, I am going to overcome these weaknesses. And I admit that I worry I may never manage. But I have to believe and hope that I will, eventually. After all, we never know what great things the future may have in store for us!