Now entering the quinquagenarian zone

And so, it begins. I am now a quinquagenarian; more commonly known as a human in their 50s.

This is not a bad thing to me and I am not embarrassed about my age, especially given that my husband and so many of my friends never made it this far. But it is a milestone and a rather big milestone. And that means some rather big reflections on where my life is – and where my life is going.

When I entered my 40s, I had hopes that life would be wonderful and that it would be a decade filled with so many joyful things. As I enter this new decade of life, I would like to say that I am looking forward to the best decade of life. But the reality is that the year and the decades to follow will just be living.

There is unlikely to be a great new love (but I do hold out hope) and my career will continue at the slow pace I have intentionally set for myself (I don’t have my sights set on administration, which is what happens when you progress too far). I don’t expect to conquer the world or to achieve greatness. Instead, I just want to be more happy than not. I want to maintain my health as much as possible, given my two chronic health conditions. I want to run more and hike more. I want to learn new skills and experience new horizons. I want to enjoy life and discover new passions.

However, I would be lying if I didn’t say there is a real sadness to turning 50. It’s a sadness I feel every year on my birthday, that of loneliness and isolation; of missing the man I was meant to grow old with; of not having someone to mark the day with. But the sadness is a little greater this time because it’s fifty. I’ve watched so many people mark their Decade Birthdays over the years with parties and holidays and great celebrations, but there is none of that for me because I don’t have those kinds of people in my life – and there is only so much celebrating that you can do alone.

But my 2024 “theme” is to give new life to old things, and that includes breathing new life into my own being. I have been living in neutral for a while now and hope to spend my 50s re-energising my worldview and refreshing my mindset and routines. And with my hopes for a new home coming together, I hope to be in a new (old) house in a few weeks which will help energise things.

Yes, tt is fair to say that life at 50 isn’t what I expected it to be – on so many levels! But it is a life that gives me joy and hope, and that’s something to celebrate.

And, if you have read this far, I will let you in on a little secret: I got a call today that my offer on a house has been accepted. This means that my 50^th birthday present to myself is now the most expensive gift I’ve ever bought.

Happy 50^th birthday, to me!