Running commentary

When I run I think. Even when I’m listening to my iPod, my mind is racing through one thought after another. It jumps from here to there with silly randomness. I can’t control it; I’ve tried. But I suppose that it does tell a lot about the sorts of things that weigh on my mind because often the things that I think about when I’m running are not the things I would think about if I were told to sit down and think.

I don’t want to scare anyone away. And worse, I don’t want anyone to think I’ve finally cracked and it’s time for a padded cell. But I’m going to share some of the random thoughts that pop into my head when I’m running.

• OK Frances! You’ve got four miles to run today and you’re going to do it! Let’s go!
• Hey, the rec center is pretty nice when it’s empty!
• I should have done this yesterday when I was out. Then I could have just vegged out on the couch today.
• I have to remember to re-wash the towels when I get home. Stupid rain storm! I guess it’s my fault for not bringing them in off the line last night. But still. Stupid rain storm!
• I wonder if that old lady who called my number by mistake yesterday ever got a hold of her friend.
• Why do I get so many wrong number calls? Oh, I hate that!
• I was really dismissive of my friend when he suggested a time for a phone chat over the weekend. I hope I didn’t hurt his feelings. I guess I wasn’t mean, I just declined the invitation. So, whatever.
• Actually, I have been pretty mean to him lately. He must be a masochist or he would have written me off by now.
• He must know I don’t mean to be mean. But that’s still not fair. I just need to stop taking my frustration out on the innocent!
• I really do have nice friends.
• I’m actually pretty lucky to have made a couple of new friends this last year. I must stop referring to them as Paul’s friends one of these days because they’re my friends now, too.
• Blogs are great! I’m enjoying getting to know one of my new friends by reading her blog. It makes me feel like I’ve known her my entire life. I wish I did. I bet life would have been a lot funner with a friend like her growing up.
• Oh! Must email her sister about my holiday plans for this fall. It will be fun to meet her for the first time. If she’s anything like her little sis, it will be a blast.
• I need to make sure I’ve blocked my work calendar. I suppose I’ll have to check my email a bit when I’m in Canada, but that’s OK.
• Wow! It’s almost October. I need to formally RSVP to Lindsay about her wedding. I hope I can manage more than a long-weekend. A two nights’ stay in Scotland isn’t exactly what I’d call a holiday.
• I wonder if I can wear the dress that I wore to last year’s Old Hacks’ dinner to her wedding. I mean, it’s a different set of people and I don’t think that any of Paul’s old university friends will be there… I really don’t want to have to go dress shopping…
• I wonder if I can find someone to go to the wedding with me. I’m not looking forward to going to a wedding by myself right now. Especially one that Paul should be at. He was really looking forward to her wedding.
• Ugg! Has it only been two miles?! I am so out of shape. This is hard. I wonder if I can just call it a day…
• Yum. That banana bread I had this morning was really good. I should make more. No, I should make pumpkin bread. And I should really remember to tie my hair back because I found one of my hairs in the last loaf. Yuck. Oh well, at least it was my own hair…
• I wonder what I’d be doing today if Paul hadn’t died?
• I guess we’d have finalized the adoption by now, so we’d have gone to Sunday Mass with the kids.
• Yum! Then we would have made a big Sunday roast. Paul really did make the best Yorkshire puddings. I wish I’d let him teach me how to make them. Now I’ll never know.
• I wonder what the kids would have thought about having a ‘funny foreigner’ for a daddy. I wonder if we’d have been good parents…
• I wonder if I’ll ever get to be a mom now…
• Oh! I like this song, I’m going to turn it up.
• Stop it! Don’t sing along!
• Wow! I’ve almost gone four miles already. I feel great! Maybe I’ll run five miles instead…
• No, maybe not Frances. Four and a quarter miles is a long enough run. Start your cool down before you drop!
• Maybe I’ll start a new draft of my application letter this afternoon.
• I have to email Anna to figure out when to meet. It’s going to be so nice to catch up with her. It’s going to be so nice to have her help with my letter!!
• I wonder when I’ll hear if I’ve gotten accepted…
• I wonder which school I’d rather go to…
• Ah, who cares! You’ll go to whichever one accepts you and you’ll be grateful for it!
• I wonder if… NO! Don’t start wondering about what will happen if you don’t get accepted. Be positive.
• I am beat! Can I stop now?
• Oh, go on! You’re only a quarter mile from five. Keep going…
• Must remember to buy onions and goat cheese so that I can make that risotto recipe.
• And cat food. Don’t forget the cat food!
• Way-hey!! That’s five miles! My furthest distance in more than a year. Who cares if I walked that last three-quarter mile? I’m counting it!

Yeah. Those are the highlights. The conversation in my head continued into the locker room, through the grocery store, and on the 25-mile drive home. If only there was a way to harness the energy created by useless thoughts…