Ten ways to win my heart
If you asked me what my perfect man looks like, I couldn’t describe him. I imagine he’d be taller than me and I’d like to think that he’d look capable of killing a bear for me, but when I think of some of the men I’ve found myself attracted to over the years, those things have (at times) been very far from accurate.
But I do know a few personality traits that I find attractive. (And a few I find off-putting.) So, here are some of each! (We’ll start with the off-putting so that we can end on a high note!)
Ten ways to put me off:
- Be rude. To me, to a waitress, to a random stranger – doesn’t matter.
- Don’t follow current events.
- Brag about how much money you have. (Or complain about how little you have.)
- Treat me as an inferior because I’m just a little woman.
- Be intimidated by my intelligence/education.
- Show an utter lack of respect for someone you feel is beneath you (or for an animal).
- Be jealous.
- Insult me or my beliefs.
- Tell me who I can and can’t hang out with.
- Show a complete lack of care and concern for your own health and wellbeing.
Ten ways to win my heart:
- Make me laugh – and laugh with me.
- Engage me in conversation about something you’re passionate about. (Or something I’m passionate about.)
- Ask me questions about me – and answer questions about you.
- Be silly and adventurous with me.
- Be willing to learn new things with me.
- Make time for your family – especially young nieces and nephews.
- Encourage my dreams – and let me encourage yours.
- Challenge me! Intellectually, physically, in a match of wits – just challenge me!
- Offer to take care of me when I’m sick. (And don’t get mad when I’m too stubborn to let you!)
- Make me feel important to you!
I’m sure there are several more things that could be added to both lists, but I won’t necessarily know until it happens! I do have faith that someone will win my heart though – and I am excited about meeting that person who does everything so right that my heart sings with joy when he walks in the room.
So, how about you? Do you have specific put-offs or heart-winners?
I can only tell you what won me over with Greg – we’d dated for a while – and I was dating another guy too (who wasn’t nearly as nice as Greg -long story) and one day Greg said to me, ” you know, you are free to make whatever choices you want to in your life, and I’d never try to alter your choices, but I do have to tell you this ….I am a really ‘nice’ person, and it seems to me you are also. It’s not easy to find a nice person these days, and it just seems we belong together since we both have that same nature. I think you need to think about that, I’m happy with you and would love to be with you all the time, but I’m not going to force myself on you or anyone. Think about what you want for your future.”
It didn’t take long or any genius for me to make the right decision 🙂
All the other stuff that came with that decision was icing on the cake.
Paul won me over long before I really even knew it. I just immediately felt alive with him – right from the first words we spoke to each other on that fateful day nearly 12 years ago. On our first date, I had a momentary fear that it wouldn’t work out (a split second after he explained he was a “reverence for all life” vegetarian) but it turns out that despite our differences we liked each other too much to let them get in the way. (I loved not having to share my steak. It was awesome!)
I’m so glad you and Greg have such a long and happy love story to tell. It warms my heart to see how happy you are together after all of these years! x
I’m a man so obviously still susceptible to having my head turned by aesthetics (I guess that’s as polite a way as I can put it). Having said that though, in my opinion, kindness is really the most attractive quality anyone can have. Genuine kindness is the foundation of almost every other attractive characteristic I can think of.
A corollary of that is the fact I find any trace of unkindness to be very unattractive.
Also, for me, I think that boastfulness and posturing is pretty indicative of someone (male or female) I’d probably cross the street to avoid. As Maggie Thatcher once said (not a promising font of wisdom I’ll grant you!) “Being powerful is like being a lady, if you have to tell people you are, you aren’t”.
I accept the nothing of “being a lady” is anachronistic but, in general, if someone has to explicitly tell me how attractive/popular/intelligent/sophisticated/successful they are, then I’m erring on believing the opposite. The most charitable explanation I can generally come up with in these cases, is that they’re insecure about the very trait they’re laying claim to.
To be honest though I’m always a bit wary of prescriptive lists on how I might recognise “true love” and what traits are required of the person I might love. In my experience the heart is a pretty complex little machine and is apt to completely surprise us with who it chooses to care about, and how/when it chooses to tell us about it.
I have to admit that aesthetics will help at the start – though I’ve been known to become attracted to someone I wouldn’t have given a first look to once I’ve got to know them. (Personality over looks any day!)
My list isn’t so much a list of must-haves, but rather a list of traits that I’m more likely to be put off or swooned by. And I know how easy it is to go against the list, too.
In fact, there is a man I like very, very much but is quite often rude and arrogant, brags about his fancy cars and watches (and how much he spent on this, that, or the next thing), is intimidated by my intelligence, and has (in a braggy way!) shown a complete lack of care and concern for his own health and wellbeing. And he’s just a pompous ass all-around. But he hits so many of the heart-winning things that I forget about the bad stuff. (We’re not a match and I avoid him at all costs. Mostly because he’s not a good person. But he makes me laugh and I love the way I feel when I’m in his company.)
So the lists are really more of a guide … 🙂
Ahh. the “loveable rogue”. I’ve been married 17 years and when I met my wife I was a lost soul the moment she looked at me with her big green feline eyes (she was definitely a cat in a previous incarnation).
The feeling was not immediately reciprocated however. Apparently I was “too nice”, and it was only after the veil slipped a bit that she started to see me as potentially acceptable.
It didn’t help that I was also a redhead who worked in IT, either of which separately can be a huge disadvantage in the dating game, but combined.. well let’s just say I’ve spent my fair share of time in the “friend zone” over the years! MInd you, I think Prince Harry has helped the younger generation of gingers a wee bit.
Either way it’s lucky for me that she didn’t hold too much with the “love at first sight” thing, or I’m pretty sure I’d still be spending most Saturday nights savouring my microwave-meal-for-one in front of the telly.
Sadly, my “lovable rouge” isn’t someone I will end up with, but as much as my heart hates that, my brain knows that it’s for the best. It makes me sad but I suppose it just means there’s someone else out there.
I do believe in love at first sight, but I’m a bigger believer in love growing over time. Yes, a bit of physical attraction helps, but the most important thing is a mental attraction; a heart-felt attraction. And whilst I hate to use the words “too nice”, there is a certain type of guy who is too “needy” which can mask as too nice. (Nice is good; nice is always good!) I am put off by a guy who is like a lost little puppy dog or one who places me on a pedestal. I want “nice with a backbone” – if that makes sense.
I’m certain there is someone out there who will be just right for me (even if they are an exception to the lists above), it’s just a matter of where/how/when I’ll meet him.
(But don’t worry – I don’t have a microwave so I’ll be enjoying stove-top cooked meals in front of the telly whilst I wait. Which is only slightly less sad than microwave meals!)