Just Frances

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Ancient blogs

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 31st, 2014 by Frances Ryan.
Tags: writing, widowhood, random, paul, olden days, dating

In preparing for a talk I’m giving next month about online reputation management, I went back and reviewed some of my old accounts. And that’s when I re-found one of my early (though short-lived) blogs.

The blog, Goin’ to the chapel..., was started in August 2004 and ran until March 2005 as a way for my then-fiancé to keep up with wedding plans whilst we were separated by an ocean. I knew it was there (it’s in my bookmarks and all!) but I’ve not actually gone to the page in many years—certainly not since Paul died, at least.

It was a nice little reminder of the excitement I experienced in planning my our wedding. But at the same time, there was a bitter-sweet reminder of the pain of widowhood. Though to be honest, most memories turn to bitter-sweet at some point.

There are comments about my excitement for us being together “forever” and to us growing old together.

There are comments about never having to date again; about never having to plan another wedding.

And there are comments about the overall happiness and joy that a lifetime of being Mrs Ryan would bring me.

Only we didn’t get forever and we certainly didn’t manage to grow old together.

And I’m back in the world of dating again. Or rather, I was. I think I’ve given up on the idea again.

And—who knows!—if the dating thing does work out, I might find myself planning a wedding again. Which is weird, since Paul and I were so convinced that our first wedding was to be our only wedding.

And, of course, life hasn’t been filled with as much happiness and joy as I’d expected in the last five years. (It has been filled with a fair amount though.)

So yeah, I’ve had a little wander down memory lane the last few days and it’s been mostly happy. These wonderful digital diaries are like picking up an old journal from junior high school—filled with all kinds of memories of the days of yore.

(Don’t worry—I’ll tell you more about the talk later, too.)

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a talk I’m giving next month about online reputation management, I went back and reviewed some of my old accounts. And that’s when I re-found one of my early (though short-lived) blogs.”>