45, yet only 21

Today is Thursday, 21 February. I was born on Thursday, 21 February. And on this very Thursday, 21 February, I am 21 in Scrabble tiles.

Although I am more than happy to acknowledge that, whilst 21 in Scrabble tiles, I am 45-years-old. Yes, I am over 40. And yes, my beauty is becoming a bit more dilapidated as time goes on. But I am also quite young at heart. And I look pretty damn good for “a woman my age”. I am active. I am happy. And, importantly, I am alive.

I admit that I am a little upset about getting older, as I am getting older alone. And I admit that waking up on my own for the 10th birthday in a row is a sad reminder of how much I miss Paul, whose last birthday with me was my 35th. Yes, it is hard growing old alone when you had planned to grow old with someone else.

But I am still here. I am still alive. I am still breathing.

And as I am only 21, despite being 45, I feel that this year was made for me. This is the year that I will finally (no, really!) become Dr Ryan. This is the year that I will (hopefully) re-enter the world of full-time employment, after having left the workforce to do my PhD. And this is the year that I will finally start prioritising myself. (Yes, I know I say that every year.)

Yes, I am pretty excited about being 45 and 21!

So happy 21, to me. Bring on the greatness!